Bram Stoker, Edgar Allan Poe, H. P. Lovecraft - the scariest book any of these guys wrote is a comedy compared to the scariest book ever.
I'm talking about the dictionary, the compendium of words and how they got that way that makes scholars and non-scholars cringe.The dictionary's very existence proves how much most of us don't know. We get our revenge by using it to prop open doors.
I swear if a book could wear a Cheshire Cat smile, this one would.
Here in brief detail is a full and frank admission of one man's dilemma.
The woodland where I walked alone
Was ever dark and scary
Now, Wordland chills me to the bone
Behold, the Dictionary.
When I reach age one hundred eight,
Mind sharp as Persian dagger,
Beneath the sheer, breathtaking weight
Of words galore I'll stagger.
I'll curse the sun—choice verbs will swear—
Shake fist at vast unfairness.
Oh raw abyss, Oh, shirt of hair,
My unlearned-word awareness!